Hopeless in Love

 Halo.

I don't know how to start, tapi at this point I think that I am so hopeless in love. I don't think I even stand a chance to be madly loved by someone else. BUT I WANT TO??? I keep on dodging everyone who came to me, expecting me to be romantically involved with them (lol not really everyone lah, the latest ni pun sorang je, setelah a few years I was in solitude). Entahlah, deep inside I know I wanted to experience all that, but at the same time I am pretty scared to start this relationship thing. The main concern that I've been bottling up all these while is that I have nothing to offer. Bak kata that one TikTok girl, I don't bring anything to the table. Jobless, futureless (so far). 

(I'm HER)

Entahlah, I have always imagined myself living a slow-paced life, and yes, I'm currently having that life. Cumanya at my age kan, it's a bit lonely sebab my circle semua dah ada stable career and all, they've started talking about moving on to their next phase of life, which is getting married. I bukan FOMO, it's just that...

And the thing is, apart from doing nothing at home, I did try to find my so-called soulmate. This time around, I'm not doing any Tinder, I went for FiveM (a game that is based on GTA V). Pretty immature of me to do that, but for me, that's the most comfortable platform for me to communicate and get to know people LOL. I played for about 3 months, and got to know this one guy who approached me. And me being a pessimist, decided not to proceed with anything serious even though he expected something out of me. Dia macam too good to be true. I was questioning everything about him, as I did not get to know him better dalam sebulan lebih kitorang kenal tu, and at the same time he was a bit possessive (?), as he expected us to be exclusive, but then the thing is, it was a freaking game, and I wasn't even flirty with people tau. The concept that I withheld when playing the game was "people come and go". Tapi tulah that guy was filled with jealousy that's stemming from I don't know where. So, I decided to quit playing that game as I can't be bothered to be mentally exhausted from a video game. Pastu now, after more than a month, I began contemplating, should I play that game again sebab I'm in dire need of a partner. Please don't judge me T_T. Tapi so far boleh menahan kemahuan diri sendiri lagi lah sebab I think that the best way for me to get to know people is by being outside, socialising with real people. But other than that one guy, I met another guy who was mature, but did not expect anything from me. I was comfortable talking to him. Coming from someone who struggles to communicate on a  daily basis, this is something positive ye. Unfortunately, I know my place, and turns out he is married. Nasib baik I did not tangkap cinta lagi, kalaulah tersuka, memang mampus. Tapi tulah I knew he's married pun on my very last day I played that game, so oklah kan? I did not cross any boundaries as I kept all my conversations moderate, tak masuk bab hati pun. And I only met him for 3 days je. So yeah, I can assure myself that I did not start anything serious with him. So itu jelah my update on my so-called love life that is going nowhere so far. 

I actually wanted to review this one book - Forgive, Forget ke Forget, Forgive. It's going to be a brief review/critic as I'm just a novice reader. I had the book because of the name of the male protagonist, the hero had my crush's name (silly, I know). Tapi overall the concept, I totally get it. As what the writer claimed, she's doing justice to all second male leads out there. Interesting, right? However, I think that the execution was quite lacking, in terms of the plot, and the POVs. I get it, she wants to include different POV's, but for me there's too many POV's. I think she could've just focused on the 3 main characters. We don't need the friend's POV, the friend's husband's POV sebab macam tiberrrr? And another thing that baffled me was how the transition from being best friends to lovers was crafted by the writer, because it was not that natural. I know the female lead wants to get over her crush/boyfriend tak jadi dia, but entahlah, I think the writer should add a part where she realizes that E is so baik, supportive, and the one for her without E asking her hand in marriage first. Faham tak my frustration sebab masa I baca part E proposes tu, it's like A had no other choice, and E is her very last resort. Geramlah sebab E tu very the green flag, and camtu je dia start their love story. Overall, I'd rate the book a 3 out of 5 because there's so much more improvement that can be done. I know it's her very first novel, tapi that's just my honest opinion on the book. Ok tu je ciao.

P/S: It's my birthday today!