Surrounded by Darkness

Today marks the third day since my very best friend - Aten, passed away. It feels like I'm having a long nightmare that I really wish I could wake up from. Aten, I know you're in a better place now, I truly do. It's just that I'm not ready to let you go yet. I didn't expect to end my slow-paced 2024 like this. Getting that 9.45 a.m. call from Nad was something I never expected. There's a lot of things I wanted to share with you in the future, but couldn't since you're no longer here with us. It is hard for me to think that I no longer have someone to talk about my silly mistakes. What pains me the most is the thought that I might not have been the best-est friend for you all this while. I wish I could've done better, I truly do. Tapi what can I do? It's too late. 

You know what, Aten? They've just announced the date for GOT7's comeback in January that you've been anticipating for a while... And every time I came across tweets regarding GOT7, Seventeen, Day6, I think of you. Aku tahu semua tu duniawi, but they remind me of you. Your excitement whenever I share anything about them to you. Sekarang tak ada semua tu dah Ten. Rasa sebak, at the same time - kosong, bila nampak our shared interest these days. Even Yoo Yeon Seok's new drama pun, kita tak sempat fangirling sama sama kan? 

Aku taktahulah Aten, am I too fragile to be broken inside due to your passing? And I couldn't even see your beautiful face for the very last time, walaupun I was there, in your hometown. Tak sangka kan Aten, dulu aku selalu cakap aku akan ke Melaka bila kau tunang/kahwin. Yelah, sebab aku memang dah lebih 15 tahun tak pergi Melaka kan, so going there means something to me. Kalau ikutkan our plan pun, kita nak kahwin before we turn 30, walaupun kita tak ada effort pun nak cari partner haha. And yeah, Jumaat (6/12/2024), aku pergi Melaka to bid our final goodbye. Sorry Aten because I couldn't even say anything to your mother other than "Takziah, makcik", I couldn't console her, because I was crying like crazy, and you know that I am an ugly crier kan?

I uploaded the story regarding your passing a bit late, and ada classmates kita yang reply. It's truly amazing how they can only recall good things about you. Kau orang baik, Aten, that's for sure. I wish we were closer, so that I can visit your new home more often. Apa apa pun, aku takkan pernah lupakan kau, as you're one of the greatest blessings bestowed upon me. Terima kasih sebab sudi terima aku, buruk baik aku, and I really wish I could beg for your forgiveness, before you go. Thank you sebab dah mengisi ruang kosong dalam hati aku. Terima kasih. You'll always be in my prayers, Aten. I love you infinitely.