Kemarilah Tenang

Hey Siri, play Kemarilah Tenang by Mahalini.

I'm a mess, even though people might not notice. After my best friend's passing, I kinda lost myself. I don't know how to express my feelings, I have this sort of void in my deepest heart that I'll never be able to fill in. Lots of unspoken regrets, and nobody could understand why I feel that way, no matter how elaborate my explanations were, but I'm not blaming them. At all. Losing someone like Aten has turned my life upside down. I lost my will to be good at anything - I'm just a mediocre being at this point. This feeling is not something that people experience on a daily basis. You need to experience it yourself to get the gist of it. I used to not being able to comprehend, relate to those who grieve over someone's death, but now I do. I truly do. And it's hard. 100% not recommended. 

However, I'm pretty sure Aten would not like me being this way, all gloomy, living in the past, questioning my worth over and over again. So, I'll try to regain my strength and motivation, and start living the life that Allah has given me. Of course, there will be times where I'll question myself with questions like, "kalau Aten ada, apa yang dia akan cakap?", etc. It's normal, right? I'll restart the stopwatch that I put to myself when I lost you. Sorry for taking a bit longer to restart, and taking small steps to achieve what we have envisioned. I'm two steps closer to being a teacher now, Aten. Sitting for Aptis this weekend, if you were here, I would've called you every single day, just to tell you how nervous I am, kan Aten? But it's okay, knowing that you would be proud of me, no matter what the results will be, it brings hope. I'll try my best Aten, so that when we'll reunite later (aaamiiiin), I'll be able to thank you in person. For guiding me. For being there for me. For being you.

Quoting Mahalini: 

"Tak selamanya jiwa bertemankan duka, tak seharusnya diselimuti derita. Kemarilah tenang, sebelum lagi rasakan kehidupan."

And for now, I will get up and start walking towards those plans we've curated. Biiznillah.