Saja Sembang

Is it normal to say that I refuse to meet people these days? I rasa it is heavily influenced by Covid, sebab post-Covid, I'm super anxious, conscious about myself. I can't really talk, dia jadi macam bodo kejap, which is not good la sebab I'm a student, language student pulak tu. This is bad guys. It's not that I rasa macam only language students can communicate well, but I just think that I SHOULD BE COMMUNICATING WELL. Ah gitu. Boleh faham tak? Tak faham takpelah but pwish don't judge me.

But the thing is, it's not only sebab I am negatively affected by the pandemic in term of communication (anxiety as well), tapi I just think that the lack of communication tu buat I macam paranoid, I keep thinking about what people will say about me (self-conscious lah kan?), as I admit that right now, I am not satisfied with my physical appearance. My bad, I know, because I keep on making excuses daripada running on that treadmill. Tapi tulah, even if my appearance change, will it affect my confidence? To be honest, I don't think so.

I don't think I'm being coherent right now tapi who else is going to read this other than me kan...

Oh lepastu kan, I just found out that people boleh visualise their inner thoughts tau. Which simply means that I tak boleh lah kan. Yes, I do have dreams at night, tapi tula, bila fikir balik, I can't recall the dreams visually tau. Even masa I came across that one tweet that cakap pasal the different levels of visualisation of thoughts tu kan, some boleh visualise with colours, black and white, silhouette and such, tapi me being me - can't relate. Patutlah I can't really remember what I've dreamt about the night before. Same goes to inner thoughts. Ada orang boleh macam bergaduh with their minds ye. Tapi this one, I rasa I do have inner thoughts, but tak sampai level gaduh tu la hehe. Okay, actually the main point is that Twitter (or X) punya discussions are interesting actually, but macam every other platforms, mesti ada a hint of toxicity. Maklumlah, rambut sama hitam, hati lain-lain, eh? But I memang banyak habiskan masa on Twitter compared to other SNS. Instagram tu pun guna jugak daily sebab nak tengok life mutuals sendiri. Tapi the point is, the discussions memang random jugaklah. Exhibit A: Inner thoughts tu la. Kalau tak ada orang sembang that topic, sumpah I ingat orang lain pun macam I. 

Since the topic of the entry is saja sembang, so tu jelah. Bye!